Last time

Hi,
this morning I am off to UPenn (University of Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia for those of you not local). I have my last round of medical check ups today.

My cancer journey has lasted four years and I am getting off the band wagon after today. I have had enough of being a patient and a guinea pig. I know the doctors have really sick people to spend their time and energy on, and I am not one of them. Go poke and prod someone who really needs the attention. I don't. I have better things to do, I'm sure of it.

I will go through the tests (MRI, PET, CAT scans and blood work) one last time. For the last three years I have passed the barrage of exams with flying colours. Testament to the success of the medical team who cut and pasted me back to good health. I have been vigilant about keeping myself in that good health, doing my part and playing nice with others in the sandbox. Doctors love to pat themselves on the back and laud in their successes so I am a favorite visitor. "See, we can conquer cancer and it doesn't hurt a bit". No, but it costs a ton of money and I saw the bills to prove it. My day of tests at UPenn costs about $18,000 (before the insurance company negotiates the real rate and we see a bill... but that's a whole other story). I do not think I need to be spending that much money only to find out I have nothing else for the medical professionals to ooh & aah over any more. I am such a party poop.

The doctors like to tell me that they need to keep an eye on me for ten years. Ten? Are they nuts? I can't keep doing this routine. I don't see the point. If the cancer comes back all they have to offer me is surgery, more cutting and pasting, and I can't do it. Not again. It has taken me two years to get my life back to a sort of normal state and that was starting at a younger, healthier level. I'm now four years older and further behind the eight-ball. No way are they getting me on a table for surgery or radiation or anything else again. One shot, they took their best one, it's worked, I'm out of here. Bye-bye.

I will continue to see a dermatologist. The exterior spots and crap that I seem to produce are easy to handle. I just had a few new 'chunks' removed the other day. A little Valium, a few jokes about the fat cells on my backside, and a promise of a Cinderella Band-Aide and I am good to go. See you in six months. I even had an audience... a resident, a visiting surgeon from Cleveland, a plastic surgeon, the dermatologist, the nurse and Marshall. Standing room only. I could do a whole comedy routine about this event, with video too.... oh never mind. You don't need to see the details but you get the gist.

It's time to head out. It is the last time.

xox
m