When you're hot, you're hot!

Hi,
Marshall, my beloved husband of over 6 years, is obviously a hottie. His big radiant blue eyes are hard to miss. Smart, funny, charming to a fault and generous to boot. Marshall is my man. Now, how do I convince his old girlfriend, Bunny, to bug off!

She is stalking him. We are having a good laugh about this, but part of it is sad. It has been 25 years or so since Marshall has seen her, and he certainly wasn't looking for her, but she has been making contact with him, through his bowling alley. Yes, she some how found out where he bowls every Wednesday night. Did I mention he's ranked #2 in his league? How sexy is that! {Stay focused Marilyn, back to the Bunny-tale.} At first it was a phone call a few weeks ago to the bowling alley asking if he was there. Corky, who runs the place said "yeah, Marshall bowls here". Corky then passed the message of "hello from Bunny" on to Marshall. He thought nothing of it and figured it would end there since he didn't respond or try to make contact with her. No such luck.

This evening after bowling he returned from the alley with a purple envelope in his back pocket. It's hard to miss a giant purple envelope sticking out of your husbands back pocket. Okay, I'll bite "what's with the giant purple envelope?" A letter from Bunny. "Are you kidding me?" I had to read it.... and so do you............verbatim.... along with my choice of rebuttal responses for why she need not bother.

Top 10 reasons why to articulate a HELLO to Marshall ("articulate", big word)

10) Sooooo proud of your undertakings to date, GE, Tyco flow, Bowling league (she missed asking about his collection of hood ornaments or the 8' slide rule)

9) How are your parents? (alive) I trust Heather and Scott are also well (also alive)

8) We have in common issued patent licenses (yes, Marshall's is for technically advanced electric circuit protection, hers is for removable toe pantyhose)

7) ..... and Tae Kwon Do colored degree belts (sexy bedroom attire if nothing else)

6) Realize that dream Lamborghini? (nope, but he got a 52 year old airplane)

5) For me, the utmost individual undertaking had been convincing Legislation to declare Holocaust Remembrance Day on our common calendar, no easy task, under the Bill Clinton administration, the nationwide outpour of gratitude has been never ending. (In 2005, the United Nations General Assembly designated this day as International Holocaust Remembrance Day... so she is part of the UN?)

4) What did you do with all the dear Marshall mail: I saved each of your letters (wow, these I have to read!)

3) Is the striking beard still a part of your dapper self? (gone, long gone, making him even sexier but she'll never know that)

2) I hope you are well. We are wealthy when we are healthy (nice sentiment, what Hallmark card did she get it off of?)
 
1) My dear parents mentioned your name recently which brought to mind scores of fond recollections. (dementia is a wonderful thing sometimes)

I offered to have Marshall invite Bunny (now using her real name of Bonnie) over one night for dinner. He choked. I don't think he trusts me not to put arsenic in her appetizer or spill scalding water on her head. I can be a great hostess and very cunning with a knife. Ooops, did that blade in your back hit any vital organs? Sorry.

Really, I'm not the jealous type, just protective of my man. He's such a hunk!

xox
m